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addictive
I throw all of your stuff away. I’m gonna clear you out of my head. I tear you out of my heart.
And ignore all your messages. I tell everyone we are through. 'Cause I'm so much better without you.
But it’s just another pretty lie. 'Cause I break down.
Every time you come around. So how did you get here under my skin? I swore that I'd never let you back in.
Should have known better in trying to let you go. 'Cause here we go go go again.
Hard as I try I know I can't quit. Something about you is so addictive.
We're falling together. you'd think that by now I'd know. cause here we go go go again.


Sunday, May 25, 2008, 11:49 PM
Lost souls.

have you ever feel lost before?

sometimes i really wonder what we are living for. for our dreams? for our goals? for our ambitions? for our family & loved ones? for what exactly?

do most people even chase their dreams anymore? do we even reach the goal we chased our whole life ultimately?

if we do, then what happens next? if we don't reach it before we die, what's the point? the process? maybe. but what will the process be of use for when you're dead? for memory? i don't think you'll still have memories when you're dead.

why do we have a life only to die in the end? then whatever we do in our life might not matter anymore after we die. okays, maybe you stay in the memory of the living for a while. but nobody remembers the dead every moment. maybe in your life, you made an impact on somebody. but when they die too, it will die with them.

so what's the use? maybe during your living moments, you made a contribution to society which will benefit future generations. or you made an impact on somebody's life and they in turn made an impact on other's lives like the domino effects. or you saved a life. or many lives. that's great. but how many of us will achieve that? i don't think i will.

Since somebody (i don't know, the higher powers, God, Buddha, the universe) gave us life, why do they have to give us so much disasters & wars too? we can learn from them, true, but we can't prevent natural disasters. so after this earthquake, maybe the next earthquake won't cost so much deaths because we know how to respond. but there's still going to be innocent people dying. & there's still going to be so much sorrow & grief.

okays, i know life is a cycle. its like old things making ways for new things. & i know when there's sadness, we'll learn to appreciate happiness.

i know its such disaster, that makes us regain our trust in mankind, because we can truly see the beauty in life and how everybody is united together, helping those that suffered.

i know all that.i know life is worth living for. i believe in hope too. i'm not suicidal. i'm not depressed.

but its just that.. what exactly am i living for? because my impression of death is just that, lying there, having no sense of anything. so i don't get it, why do we live, only to die and feel nothing & remember nothing at all? esp if we never really lived in our life or if we didn't make any impact during our living moments. if we're just going to be studying, working, dying.

okays, this post probably doesn't make sense. but my mind isn't making sense either.

p.s:
to all who suffered, lost their family & loved ones in the Sichuan Earthquake, its not easy to stand up again, but we're with you.

to the heroes who gave their all, their time, their energy, their life to helping the people, you're truly a great person. now, that's a life worth living for.